Dying Well and

Entering the Death Space

We begin in the Garden of Gethsemane, where Jesus told his disciples three times to “Stay Awake and Pray”.  Jesus was pointing to the importance of Awareness and Acceptance.  Becoming aware of our own mortality and learning to become more comfortable with how we view death. Conscious Dying is directly linked to Conscious Living. How I live reflects on how I die. When I am aware of my death, I live my life more fully.

Jesus’ last prayer to God is sometimes called the High Priestly Prayer.  In this conversation, Jesus highlights the fact that all things are ONE, loved and united.  As Meister Eckhart states: “The eye through which I  see God is the same eye through which God sees me; My eye and God’s eye are One eye, One seeing, One knowing, One love.”

We begin to approach the death space and begin to understand the sacredness of this portal, the bridge between spiritual and physical.  We are discovering the pathway to the Soul which doesn’t die.

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Caregiving and Self Care

Jesus’ words of:  “Woman, Behold thy son! Son, Behold thy mother!” are  showing us the crucial aspect of loved ones taking care of each other.  By planning and preparing for our death, we are not only making the journey smoother and more enjoyable for ourselves, but also those we care about.  This session covers many of the tangible things we can do in preparing for our exit from this earth from legal documents to legacy building.

“I thirst” can be seen as a message to the importance of self care.  Our physical, emotional, mental, relational and spiritual needs are all needing tending as we go through this huge transition.  Discomfort can be a part of the process, but the suffering can be lessened with proper care. We delve into the deeper levels of care and drop into living the questions and waiting for the answers from God.

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”  -Rainer Maria Rilke

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Loneliness and Confusion

“My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?”  Words of the pain of loneliness, confusion and even abandonment.  This perception comes from being in a space of disconnection from self, others, and/or God.  This session speaks to the shock phase of death and dying and the physiological response of the system to go into sympathetic override of flight, fight and/or freeze.

We speak about regrets, which can sometimes become more concerning than the fear of death itself. Trauma is also a contributor to this emotional pain and it is important to address our traumas before we enter the death space.  Creating a safe space is paramount in creating an atmosphere were trauma can be transformed.

Understanding and awareness of the Five Stages of dying, as well as the Five Gates of Grief can help us to better understand what we may be experiencing during these times of transition.

Rumi teaches us the importance of allowing all the feelings to arise and be tended to through this journey:

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

some momentary awareness comes

as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

who violently sweep your house

empty of its furniture,

still, treat each guest honorably.

He may be clearing you out

for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

meet them at the door laughing,

and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,

because each has been sent

as a guide from beyond.

And our biggest discovery was that of Unconditional Love.  When we experience this amazing love and connection, we no longer feel alone, we feel wanted and we belong.  Coming into direct contact with the magnetic field of Love is the amazing elixir to much of our suffering and pain.  Connection to Self, Connection to Others, and Connection to God.         

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Forgiveness

“Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.”  The German translation of Forgiveness is Forgiefen, meaning “to give completely”.  What a wonderful way of framing this sometimes difficult concept.  We are now entering the stabilization stage of the dying process and we begin to work toward reconciliation and peace.  Forgiveness can mean that we can look at our past without needing or even wanting to change it.  Changing our point of view toward acceptance of what is, is true forgiveness. 

There are two sides to forgiveness, the person that is hurt and the person that does the hurting.  They are equally difficult to do, especially if we have attachment issues and are disconnected.  Forgiveness starts as an “inside job” and until I am able to forgive myself, I am usually not available to others. Learning to accept my own mistakes and finding ways to come to empathy and love through my mistakes makes the journey much more fulfilling.

Sometimes forgiveness can be as simple as just letting go of the rope.  Other times it takes complete reliance upon God to help us get there.

Once we are able to find forgiveness, a miracle can happen where compassion comes to the table.  Not only is there peace in the space that was pain, but love enters and the magic begins. We again explore unconditional, Divine Love and find our hearts expanded, our minds quieting.

Forgiveness doesn’t change the past but it enlarges the future!

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Surrender

Surrender is a loaded word and in this session we do a deep dive into what Jesus meant when he said, “Father, into Your hands I commend my Spirit”.  With these words, Jesus is laying his soul into God’s hands.  He points us back to Psalm 51 where David calls upon God to be his ballast, just as Jesus did on the cross.  We learn that true surrender is a big piece of the puzzle in our dying process.  In this session, we undertake a death simulation activity which focuses on our having to release 20 tangible things in our life as we approach our own last breath.  We are letting go of the things of the body and connecting more with the qualities of the soul; that which is eternal. 

There are many practices in this session to help teach us how to surrender.  This is a very difficult task to undertake while we are still embodied, but the more we practice, the more efficient we become at being able to let go of all the little deaths in life.  It is the surrender which leads to peace of mind.

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Preparing for the Next Life and The Last Breath

Our final session is both an ending and a beginning.  We take the last breath with, “It is finished”, and we explore the next breath in the afterlife with, “Today you will be with me in Paradise”.  We remember that the dying process is twofold: the dissolving of the body and the unfolding of the soul.  There are countless testimonials from people who have had near death experiences, and in each we witness the beauty of what is to come.  We explore four different first hand accounts of what it was like to step into the next world.  And through these testimonies, we learn the greatest experience of being enfolded in an essence of Love.  When we truly trust that this Love is both on heaven and on earth, we can live a life of fullness and gratitude.

When Jesus declared, “It is Finished”, he was completely surrendering his time on earth.  In Aramaic it translates to “Mashelem”, which shares a root word with “Shalom” — Peace, wholeness, completeness and restoration.  Jesus’ earthly life was complete and he could now enter into the Glory of the next life.  We explore the process of what happens to the body as it dissolves through the final days.  Knowing what the process entails helps us to approach our own death with grace.

“For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?

And what is it to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?

Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.

And when you have reached the mountaintop, then you shall begin to climb.

And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.”

― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

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